BATMAN

Castaways, part one.

A script by m.o. reeve

 

CAPTION ONE:

The Joker is running, cackling madly.

 

FRAME ONE, IMAGE:

JOKER, HOLDING A PISTOL,

RUNS DOWN A UBIQUITOUS

TRASH-INFESTED ALLEY.

 

JOKER IS ALTERNATELY LAUGHING (“HAHAHA!”)

AND HUMMING (“NUN-A, NUN-A, NUN-A!”) UNDER HIS BREATH.

 

FRAME TWO, IMAGE:

JOKER, CLOSE-UP, LOOKING OVER SHOULDER AND SMILING.

 

FRAME THREE, IMAGE:

CLOSE-UP OF JOKER’S WRIST WATCH ON LEFT SLEEVE, THE GUN IN HIS LEFT HAND.

 

FRAME FOUR, IMAGE:

HE USES HIS RIGHT HAND TO PUSH A BUTTON ON THE WATCH FACE

WHICH CAUSES A MECHANICAL VOICE TO SAY:

 

Dialouge One, Joker’s watch: “Elevenity-one O’ clock.”

 

FRAME FIVE, IMAGE:

MEDIUM CLOSE UP FROM WAIST TO HEAD (MCU) OF

  JOKER STILL LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER, SMILING.

 

FRAME SIX, IMAGE:

LONG SHOT, JOKER TOSSES THE GUN AHEAD OF HIMSELF

AND IT SPINS IN THE AIR. UNCHANGED FACIAL EXPRESSION.

 

FRAME SEVEN, IMAGE:

 JOKER HOPS OVER THREE SLEEPING BUMS IN THE ALLEY,

UNCHANGED FACIAL EXPRESSION.

 

 

 FRAME EIGHT, IMAGE:

 CLOSE UPS OF EACH OF THE THREE BUMS AS

JOKER GASES THEM ALL IN THE FACE.

 

FRAME NINE, IMAGE:

MCU OF JOKER, UNCHANGED FACIAL EXPRESSION.

HE CATCHES THE GUN IN HIS RIGHT HAND

AND HIS LEFT HAND CATCHES A HANGING LADDER FOR A FIRE ESCAPE.

 

Dialouge Two, Joker: “Would it be trite to say ‘I could do this in my sleep’?”

(Pause)  “Now how sure am I that I’m not sleeping right now? This is the kind of thought that would drive a man CRAZY!”

 

FRAME TEN, IMAGE:

JOKER CLIMBS THE LADDER.

 

FRAME ELEVEN, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP,  JOKER SQUIRTS CHOCOLATE CREAM FROM

AN AEROSOL CAN ONTO THE LANDING OF THE FIRE ESCAPE.

 

FRAME TWELVE, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP, JOKER ADDS SOME DIRT FROM

HIS POCKET TO THE CHOCOLATE CREAM.

 

Dialouge Three, Joker: “That was an awful joke. Thankfully my mudpie-making skills are still adequate. Name another forty-two year old who is good enough at doing something children do so that he can earn a living doing it as an adult… well, except for professional athletes that is. It’s a shame that whoopee cushions aren’t considered an Olympic Event… but assault with a tire iron to the knee is… well… part of the game.”

 

FRAME THIRTEEN, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP OF JOKER AS HE

FROWNS IN ANGER AS HE LISTENS TO:

 

Dialouge Four A: (off-camera, delirious) “AHHH! IT’S FRANK ****ING KEN ***ING STIEN!”

Dialouge Four B: (off-camera, delirious) “Maybe he’ll give us ten thousand dollars?”

Dialouge Four C: (off-camera, delirious) “My eyes as dry as **** and your damn eye drops cost more than booze… and I can’t get drunk off-a them!”2

 

Dialouge Four D, Joker: (whispers) “Jonathin, you that is the last time you sleep over my place! Making Harley afraid of wool socks because she thinks they’re snakes is one thing, but mixing up my gas with yours… that’s low!”

 

FRAME FOURTEEN, IMAGE:

BATMAN AND THE THREE BUMS. HE KICKS THE ONE

IN FRONT OF HIM BETWEEN THE LEGS (BUM ONE),

UPPER-CUTS THE ONE ON THE RIGHT (BUM TWO),

JABS THE ONE ON THE LEFT (BUM THREE).

 

 

CAPTION TWO:

And as always, Batman chases him. The chase is through eternity, yet he dares not stop. This is one hound who will chase his fox even after Armageddon. They will give chase even if the hound were bent over a walker and the fox were in a wheelchair.

 

FRAME FIFTEEN, IMAGE:

BATMAN GRABS BUM TWO & BUM THREE

EACH BY THE COLLARS OF THEIR SHIRTS,

KNEES BUM ONE IN THE FACE.

 

FRAME SIXTEEN, IMAGE:

BATMAN BANGS BUM TWO’S & BUM THREE’S HEADS TOGETHER,

BUM ONE HAS FALLEN OUT OF THE SHOT.

 

FRAME SEVENTEEN, IMAGE:

BUM ONE LIES ON THE BOTTOM, HEAD TOWARDS CAMERA.

BUM TWO LYING HORIZONTALLY FACE-UP WITH HIS HEAD FACING LEFT,

BUM THREE LYING HORIZONTALLY FACE-DOWN WITH HIS HEAD FACING RIGHT.

BATMAN STEPS OVER THE PILE OF BUMS WITH HIS RIGHT FOOT LEADING.

 

FRAME EIGHTEEN, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP OF BATMAN, FROWNING IN CONCENTRATION

AS HE LOOKS FOR JOKER DOWN THE ALLEY.

 

CAPTION THREE:

He can't let the madman harm any more innocent lives. He will not let him. Every parent murdered, every child murdered, every guilt-ridden survivor, every one given the bloody baptism that is his own curse, could rise rise from those ashes of a burned up life and become reborn as either a criminal or a lunatic. A lunatic who dresses like Napolean or Mussolini or Salvator Dali to repay this city for the expiration of that lunatic's hope & dreams. 

 

FRAME NINTEEN, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP OF BATMAN’S INSIGNIA ON HIS CHEST.

HIS RIGHT HAND LIGHTLY PRESSED TO HIS RIGHT BREAST, CARESSING IT.

 

Dialogue five, Alfred’s disembodied voice speaking in Batman’s thoughts: "A lunatic who could dress up like a rat with wings perhaps, sir?"

 

 

FRAME TWENTY, IMAGE:

CLOSE-UP OF BATMAN, LIPS SET IN A FIRM LINE.

 

• Dialogue six A, Batman: (whisper) “Not right now, Alfred!”
• Dialogue six B, Oracle: (voice-over) “I’m Oracle. I didn’t say anything and Alfred’s sleeping because tonight is his night off.”
• Dialogue six C, Batman: (whisper) “It must be my conscience saying something Alred would say.”
• Dialogue six D, Oracle:  (voice-over) “ ‘Kindly respect the family jewels’? or ‘That Mr. Paul has given my profession a black eye’? ”
• Dialogue six E, Batman: (whisper): “Politely questioning my sanity because I dress like this.”
• Dialogue six F, Oracle: (voice-over): “Well, you could be dressed like a purple gorilla and trying to climb the Leaning Tower of Pisa because they wouldn’t honor a coupon for Pizza Shack at their fancy schmancy Italian bistros… so I don’t think you’re THAT crazy.”

 

FRAME TWENTY-TWO, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP OF JOKER, SEETHING IN RAGE

BECAUSE HE CANNOT HEAR WHAT IS BEING SAID.

 

FRAME TWENTY-THREE, IMAGE:

LONG SHOT OF BATMAN, HE SEES THE FIRE ESCAPE NOW.

 

Dialogue seven, Alfred’s voice speaking in Batman’s thoughts: “I had meant a pigeon, sir. I guess you haven’t heard that quip before. Pigeon Boy.”

 

FRAME TWENTY-FOUR, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP OF JOKER, STILL ANGRY.

 

FRAME TWENTY-FIVE, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP OF BATMAN SMILING AT ALFRED’S JOKE.

JOKER OBVIOUSLY BELIEVES BATMAN IS SMILING AT HIM.

 

CAPTION FOUR:

He realizes now that Alfred's dry wit reminds him of his father. Fascinating. In all the times he'd wanted to strangle Alfred, he'd wanted to strangle his own father.

 

FRAME TWENTY-SIX, IMAGE:

LONG SHOT OF JOKER WITH HIS BACK TO BATMAN,

CLIMBING THE SECOND LADDER GOING TO THE SECOND LANDING.

 

FRAME TWENTY-EIGHT, IMAGE:

MCU OF BATMAN, HIS FACE FALLEN & HEAD HANGING,

HE REACHES FOR THE LADDER WITH HIS RIGHT HAND,

THE LEFT TOUCHES HIS UTILITY BELT. 

 

CAPTION FIVE:

 For years he has dreamed that that grinning ghoul 's face was swathed in shadows, the face of the man that had held the gun in one hand, pulling the trigger and shooting his mother at point-blank rage while his other hand tore the necklace from her throat. The man had spoken to young Bruce Wayne, the boy-he-had-been & the man- who-could-have-been who in his grief had been erased from existence simultaneously as his parents bled out to either side of him. Even today, the only words he’d heard were “Devil” and “Moon Light.”

 

FRAME TWENTY-NINE, IMAGE:

LONG SHOT OF BATMAN, CLIMBING THE LADDER. HE FACES UP,

TEARS ARE RUNNING DOWN HIS FACE,

YET HIS LIPS ARE SET IN A FIRM LINE.

 

CAPTION SIX:

All that lived now was the monster he’d become. Some days he pitied Solomon Grundy, the man who was a walking-dead zombie who stubbornly wouldn’t give-up-the-ghost. In the raging sea of anger, resentment, guilty, and sorrow …  where joy & salvation were a pair of castaways holding desperately onto planks of wood & chummily attempting to amuse each other after the horror they’d both endured ... he sometimes envied Grundy as well. Being dead must be better than to be alive and wearing this stupid cape & cowl. 

 

FRAME THIRTY, IMAGE:

BRUCE WAYNE & DICK GRAYSON LAUGHING AT A SHARED JOKE.

 

CAPTION SEVEN, BATMAN’S THOUGHTS:

“Is that what we are? Two castaways in a flood of emotional turmoil? And Joker and his lot are the flotsam we hang upon to stay alive?”

 

FRAME THIRTY-ONE, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP OF BATMAN AS HE REACHES THE TOP OF THE LADDER

AND SEES THE MUD PIE ON THE LANDING JOKER LEFT FOR HIM.

 

FRAME THIRTY-TWO, IMAGE:

BATMAN LEANING AGAINST WALL. NEXT TO HIM THERE IS A CLOSED WINDOW.

 

FRAME THIRTY-THREE, IMAGE:

A MIRROR APPEARS IN HIS GAUNTLET AND

HE USES IT TO PEER INTO THE WINDOW. NO ONE THERE.

 

• Dialogue eight A, Batman: “I’m not sure I like being Pippin.”
• Dialogue eight B, Joker (above): “You sure aren’t Merry. Come to think of it, niether is Christopher Lee. I wouldn’t be too happy either if I were rubbed out, too like that.”

 

FRAME THIRTY-FOUR, IMAGE:

BATMAN’S POINT OF VIEW (POV),

LOOKING UP INTO THE SHADOWS ABOVE.

 

 

FRAME THIRTY-FIVE, IMAGE:

BATMAN’S POV, NIGHT VISION.

LOOKING ACROSS THE ALLEY TO SEE IF

THERE IS A SNIPER ACROSS THE WAYS OR A GOOD PLACE FROM

WHICH TO AFFIX A GRAPPLE. HE SEES JOKER’S REFLECTION

IN THE WINDOW THROUGH A TRICK OF THE LIGHT.

JOKER IS SITTING WITH HIS BACK TO THE FIRE ESCAPE.

 

Dialogue nine, Oracle: (voice-over): “Thermals reveal no one else there. Just him. Security camera from the apartment across the street doesn’t show anything suspicious. He’s looking at… a brick wall.”

 

Batman, remains silent.

 

FRAME THIRTY-SIX, IMAGE:

JOKER SHOWN FROM ABOVE.

HE SEEMS BUSY WITH DOING A CAT’S CRADLE WITH A YOYO.

 

 

• Dialogue ten A: Joker (above): “The question you won’t ask is ‘who is Christopher Lee?’ I had forgotten that you don’t watch movies. But I assume you were thinking of Professor Tolkien’s inestemable master piece, Lord of the Rings. Specifically, you are thinking of Chapter Nine of Two Towers, ‘We had a picnic out here, so as to keep an eye on the road,’ right?”
• Batman, still silent.
• Dialogue ten B: Joker (above): “You thought a laughing lunatic like me pumped up with enough Thorazine to tranquilize four elephants wouldn’t be literate enough to read? I am hurt, my old friend.”
• Dialogue ten C: Batman (furious): “You are NOT my friend! And stay out of my head, Joker.”
• Dialogue nine F: Joker (above, laughing): “You were thinking of me, weren’t you? Thinking I had caused the worst day in your life, weren’t you?”

FRAME THIRTY-SEVEN, IMAGE:

BATMAN IS FURIOUS. HE BOLDY STEPS

FORWARD PAST THE WINDOW,

READY FOR A FIGHT.

HE ISN’T GOING TO LET HIS ENEMY SIT

UP THERE ON A PERCH AND

PLAY WITH HIS EMOTIONS.

 

FRAME THIRTY-EIGHT, IMAGE:

BATMAN SLIPS AND NEARLY TUMBLES OFF OF THE FIRE-ESCAPE.

 

FRAME THIRTY-NINE, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP AS JOKER’S HAND REACHES DOWN FROM ABOVE,

GRABBING BATMAN BY THE CAPE, SAVING HIS LIFE.

 

FRAME FORTY, IMAGE:

LONG SHOT, JOKER ON LADDER, REACHING WITH ONE

HAND DOWN TO BATMAN, THE HAND THAT STEADIED HIM.

BATMAN GRABS JOKER’S WRIST, TWISTS IT.

PLANTS HIS FOOT ON THE LADDER.

 

FRAME FORTY-ONE, IMAGE:

BATMAN HALF-DRAGS, HALF-THROWS JOKER ONTO

THE METAL LANDING OF THE FIRE ESCAPE.

 

FRAME FORTY-TWO, IMAGE:

BATMAN POUNCES UPON JOKER, STRADDLING HIM,

HIS FACE LOWERED INTO JOKER’S, HANDS CLENCHED

IN THE LAPELS OF JOKER’S JACKET.

 

FRAME FORTY-THREE, IMAGE:

BATMAN YANKS THE FLOWER FROM JOKER’S LAPEL

BEFORE ACID OR GAS CAN BE SQUIRTED INTO HIS FACE.

 

FRAME FORTY-FOUR, IMAGE:

BATMAN CLENCHES JOKER’S WRISTS,

FINDS NOTHING HIDDEN IN THE SLEEVES.

 

FRAME FORTY-FIVE, IMAGE:

BATMAN PATS DOWN JOKER’S JACKET POCKETS FOR WEAPONS,

TOSSES GUN ONTO THE FLOOR TO HIS SIDE OUT OF JOKER’S REACH.

 

FRAME FORTY-SIX, IMAGE:

BATMAN LOWERS HIS FACE AGAIN TO MEET JOKER’S.

FRAME FORTY-SEVEN, IMAGE:

CLOSE UP OF BATMAN AND JOKER’S FACES NEARLY TOUCHING.

JOKER IS GRINNING, BATMAN HAS A BLANK EXPRESSION.

 

FRAME FORTY-EIGHT, IMAGE:

CLOSEUP OF JOKER’S TONGUE TOUCHING PROBING

AGAINST BATMAN’S CLOSED LIPS.

 

FRAME FORTY-NINE, IMAGE:

BATMAN’S FIST DECKING JOKER’S CHIN.

 

FRAME FIFTY, IMAGE:

BATMAN STANDS, HE IS

REMOVING THE BULLETS FROM JOKER’S GUN.

JOKER REMAINS LYING, RUBBING FACE.

 

FRAME FIFTY-ONE, IMAGE:

CLOSEUP OF BATMAN’S FOOT, BULLETS LAND BESIDE IT.

 

Dialogue ten A, Joker: “I’ll tell you why I always bring the gun.”

Dialogue ten B, Batman: “To kill me or to shoot someone’s grandmother with.”

Dialogue ten C, Joker: “Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for grandmother-shooting. But that’s not the reason. I bring it so you can shoot me.”

 

FRAME FIFTY-SIX, IMAGE:

REPRISE CLOSE UP, GUN FALLS AS WELL FROM BATMAN’S

SENSELESS FINGERS.

 

Dialogue eleven, Joker: “I’m pretty sure you have Cyanide or Anti-depressants in that one pocket on your belt. Either way, same difference. Both would be death to you. Small or large doesn’t matter to you.”

 

FRAME FIFTY-SEVEN, IMAGE:

LONG SHOT, JOKER STANDING, BRUSHING HIMSELF OFF.

BATMAN, STILL LOOKING SURPRISED.

 

Dialogue twelve A, Batman: “I never knew you felt depressed, Joker.”

Dialogue twelve B, Joker: “Call me Ernest if you have to call me anything.”

Dialogue twelve C, Batman: “You mean as in Hemingway?”

Dialogue twelve D,  Joker: “Yes.”

Dialogue twelve E, Batman: “You wouldn’t tell me your real name, Ernest. I can’t find it out on my own.”

Dialogue twelve F, Joker: “What does it matter? I’ll tell you my real name.”

 

FRAME FIFTY-EIGHT, IMAGE:

JOKER BENDS OVER TO PICK UP THE GUN AND BULLETS.

BATMAN MAKES NO MOVE TO STOP HIM.

 

FRAME FIFTY-NINE, IMAGE:

JOKER STANDS STRAIGHT UP, PUTTING GUN INTO BELT.

 

Dialogue thirteen, Joker: “It’s Joker. Joker is all I am, but people don’t have to remind me what my name is. I hate people who constantly repeat a person’s name to their face. My name is Joker and yours is Batman.”

 

FRAME SIXTY, IMAGE:

BATMAN SMILING, ARMS ACROSS CHEST.

 

Dialogue fourteen, Batman: (laughing) “How do you know there aren’t a dozen Batmen and three have of them have chased you up here?”

 

FRAME SIXTY-ONE, IMAGE:

JOKER SHRUGS.

 

Dialogue fifteen, Joker: “There have been four. Adam West, Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer --- I know, it sounds like a girl’s name ---, and the guy who played the doctor with the bushy eyebrows.”

 

FRAME SIXTY-TWO, IMAGE:

BATMAN NOT SMILING.

 

Dialogue sixteen, Batman: “I don’t know who or what you are talking about.”

 

FRAME SIXTY-THREE, IMAGE:

JOKER, GRINNING.

 

Dialogue seventeen, Joker: “That’s because you live in Gotham and you are it’s Dark Knight. You hardly ever leave Gotham and you don’t watch movies or have cable for your TV. You aren’t aware of how famous you are. But Batman isn’t supposed to know that the world knows about him.”

 

FRAME SIXTY-FOUR, IMAGE:

BATMAN TAKES A FORCEFUL STEP FORWARD.

 

Dialogue eighteen, Batman: “In the tabloids, you mean. No one ever believes in that.”

 

FRAME SIXTY-FIVE, IMAGE:

JOKER, UNDETERED, GRINS WIDER.

 

Dialogue ninteen, Joker: “Just leave Gotham during the day, go incognito to a town far away from here, pick a videostore, and go check in the B section. Y’know? I always thought the name ‘Bruce’ went well with you. Bruce Campbell should play you in a new movie.”

 

FRAME SIXTY-SIX, IMAGE:

BATMAN LEAPS.

 

FRAME SIXTY-SEVEN, IMAGE:

JOKER HAS DISAPPEARED. ALONE, BATMAN LOOKS AROUND.

 

Dialogue twenty,  Joker (voice-over): “Don’t worry. Every child wants to strangle their father or mother at some time. You shouldn’t be ashamed of feeling that way.”